who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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