was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
