4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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