So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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