I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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