Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
