Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
