i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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