Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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