Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
