Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
