I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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