....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
