Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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