Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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