You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
