I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
