i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
