when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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