She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you had me at cake vodka
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
