you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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