Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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