video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
