I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
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preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK