is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.