Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.