Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house