Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.