did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dating After Heartbreak
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.