My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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