I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
