an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Congratulations! We have a period
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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