Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so let's talk penis.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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