wakey wakey hands off snakey
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
