i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
