If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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