I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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