first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
