She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
