I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You did what with his pubic hair?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
