The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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