Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just high enough for therapy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
