He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
