I love black thongs
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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