Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
