She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize