she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
