I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
