Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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