This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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