Duck Duck Cougar?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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