this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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