I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
