I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
