Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize