look no pants
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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