Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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