I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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