He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
