just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
