Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
