I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
