her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
