I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
