wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
