Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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