Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
