hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You took a bar mat shot.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
