i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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