so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize