i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
