I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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