It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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