Only a mothe r could love this liver
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
