Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
